What to do if your baby only falls asleep at the breast
Maybe you know this: your baby is already a few weeks old.
Now the question comes up more and more often, whether you can leave her on your breast to suck.
Sometimes she only sucks a few times, sucks and she falls asleep. But if you try to detach her from the breast, your baby will wake up again and look for the breast.
Although the eyes are mostly still closed. In the meantime she is – at least partially – the case that your baby does not fall asleep on its own, but only at the breast. So have you become your child’s pacifier?
The idea that sucking on the breast is not okay
When talking to mums who feel the same as you, it often turns out that it wasn’t their own thought that a breastfeeding, sucking-sleeping baby isn’t ok.
Either it was actively questioned whether the baby was already falling asleep and sleeping through the night. Or it was the commonly observed image of a baby simply being laid down to sleep. Yes. There are those babies who nurse themselves into a coma and then fall off the breast almost like a full leech.
They can be taken off easily and then sleep long and peacefully. It can be assumed that this is around 40% of babies.
This is a derived figure for which there is no evidence other than research on children’s innate temperament. Combined with the fact that this mystery of well-sleeping children still pervades our society – without all those children being “fed” – it is indeed a thesis that needs to be confirmed.
So when some mothers keep talking about how well their babies sleep, how relaxed they are, how easy everything is, then the mother who is not feeling well at the moment always gets a bad conscience. There’s a lot of pressure on us to get our brood right. So the (wrong!) conclusion is to think that “different” equals “worse”.
The idea that sucking on the breast equals pampering
Your baby has a strong need to suck right now. Your co-regulation is urgently needed to calm down or stay calm. To feel safe.
Pampering, on the other hand, is always something “special”. Something that goes beyond our basic needs.
Nutrition & safety, on the other hand, are very fundamental needs. If you look closely at all the facts, you can never spoil yourself with breastfeeding. Whether a milk transfer is in progress and your baby is actually swallowing or not.
The idea that proximity has to be dosed
While it’s still common in Japan today for families to sleep together, we grew up in a society of distancing.
We believe that everyone needs a relatively high level of privacy.
We plan our house construction or purchase according to the number of children – so that each child can have their own room. The door can close.
I don’t like to judge or judge that at all. As a child I was glad to have this retreat. But we weren’t a close-knit family either.
However, we are talking about an age when we were older as children. For a long time we had a sibling room. We should learn to share…
Actually crazy right?
As parents, create distance as quickly as possible, but expect children to willingly and joyfully share what is most important to them.
We automatically outgrow this closeness – at the latest when we hit puberty.
The Effect of Suckling on Your Milk Production
If you leave out the non-nutritive sucking or shift it to a pacifier, we always observe what is known as sucking confusion.
Not every baby has them.
But what is very noticeable: the more intensively the pacifier is used, the more likely it is that at some point and very suddenly the milk will no longer be enough.
When exactly sucking is non-nutritive sucking, we cannot say with final certainty from the outside. That’s why we don’t see when your baby is in a growth phase.
We know from the development of babies in the first year of life that the milk requirement often has to be adjusted. This is only possible through the corresponding sucking and emptying information that happens when sucking. Then the milk production can catch up.
For example, 4 things you can do while lying with your sleeping baby
Honestly, as a breastfeeding mom, I know it myself.
Breastfeeding can be quite tedious on some days and even for weeks if the little ones are constantly looking for closeness.
So if you’re frustrated with sucking yourself, it’s a good time to think about what you can take away from the long periods of breastfeeding.
* Breastfeed lying down and sleep by yourself
* Interesting podcasts can be a wonderful activity
* Write shopping lists, weekly plans and notes on the cell phone with corresponding practical apps
* You can come up with clever answers when others try to lecture you that you are doing it wrong.
I can promise you one thing. Your baby won’t stay mini forever. Now, if I look ahead and give you a number of years, you might throw up your hands over your head. But looking back, it’s a short time.
Apart from that, every child is just different.
At this point in the coaching we always look at what you as a mom need at the moment in order to be able to meet the needs of your breastfeeding child well. Without even being on the verge of madness.
How you can get up when your baby is sleeping
If you are very frustrated with lying down every time your baby sleeps.
If you get back pain from lying down too much.
If you just don’t like it anymore…
It can help if you breastfeed your baby in a comfortable chair and stay seated there. Or have a baby carrier or a sling ready.
If your baby keeps waking up when you tie it in, even after you have practiced it several times, you can learn to breastfeed your baby in the carrier.
With the baby in the carrier, you can do household chores as well as walks – just as you like.
If your baby is in a phase where breastfeeding is only possible in a darkened bedroom and you want to get up urgently, the best time is about 20-25 minutes after falling asleep. Test the low point of sleep by lifting a baby’s arm. Ideally at the cuff of a long-sleeved top.
If your hand is hanging limp, chances are you’re deep enough sleep for you to sneak away.
You can be safe by dropping your arm a few inches.
If your baby searches again, continue breastfeeding. Or you have found the perfect moment to detach yourself from your baby who has fallen asleep at the breast.
